From the removal of statues placed during apartheid to videos exposing racism in universities, 2015 has been a revolutionary year for South Africa with pressing issues, mostly racism, being discussed in each and every single corner of the country. This was also a year that finally introduced the political world to a beautiful friend of mine, Andile Amukelani Ndlovu.
She is an advocate for women rights and is a feminist at heart. She is a leader who is passionate about politics and the uplifting of underprivileged young women from disadvantaged backgrounds.
This co-founder of ‘Re A Tsena’ and secretary of SASCO Rhodes University Branch shared with me her views on sexism, in line with the ’16 days against women and child abuse’ theme.
“In recent weeks I have found myself in a lot of arguments regarding racism and sexism as a black woman. I found it surprising that when I stood against racism and the discrimination of black people my male colleagues or counterparts would shout the loudest to echo my sentiments but I suddenly became an angry black woman when I stood against patriarchy, sexism and misogynoir and men were so quick to condemn my so-called radical feminism.
I have become an angry black woman because I can no longer tolerate the patriarchal ways, misogynoir and disrespect that I am subjected to as a black woman. One argument that I unfortunately found myself in was on the issue of “a woman’s place”, and the men in the argument kept telling us that our place as women is in the kitchen and in the households at the service of our husbands. What surprised me most is that it had already been established that as a woman I’m on a race for that “Mrs.” title and once I get this prestigious title I must not mess things up but I must respect my beloved husband. There was a time when I said to one of the men that my place as a woman is wherever I want to it to be and would not be determined by a man, little did I know that I was adding fuel to the fire. I was told I was disrespectful towards men and culture because for some reason a man’s opinion is very important and it is a taboo to stand against a man as a woman.
The other day there was a story on the Daily Sun where the headline read “My husband raped me”. The comment thread was the most ignorant thing I had ever seen in a very long time. The woman was called a slut, it was stated that she wanted a “ilicence yokufeba”, some said “it is her duty as a wife to satisfy her husband sexually”, others called her crazy and she was told that she also raped the man when he paid lobola for her and his paying lobola for her means she should serve him. This did not make me angry actually, it hurt me so much that we live in a society where it is seen as alright for men to force themselves on women simply because they paid lobola for the woman.
For some reason no matter how much I try as a woman to call out men on their patriarchal ways, misogynoir and sexism I always get dismissed as an “angry black woman”. If it so means that I must be labelled as an angry black woman for raising my concerns and standing against oppression of women then I will carry the title with pleasure because I can no longer keep quiet in the fear that I may bruise a man’s ego or come across as disrespectful as a woman. I can no longer keep quiet when this body that I take care of because it is my own, is no longer mine when I step out of my room, house or office into the street but it becomes an object of critique, sexual objectification and for some reason is used as a weapon to make me feel bad about myself.
I can no longer keep quiet when as women we are told to live in such a way that makes us appealing to men as wives when these men we should aspire to have as our husbands abuse us emotionally, physically, sexually and economically simply because they paid a price for us. I can no longer keep quiet and allow society to dictate to me how I should live my life, what I should, how I should talk and how I should carry myself in order to be classified as a “real woman”. I can no longer keep quiet when women are blamed for their rape because for some reason it has been established that a woman’s clothes, how she walks and what time she walks determine her level of consent. I can no longer keep quiet as a black woman because if I keep quiet as a woman no one will speak for me.
I have been told that feminism is “un-African” and basically means that I have hatred for men and for that reason I have made it a point to introduce myself as Amukelani Ndlovu, the happy African feminist who loves men. I am tired of being called angry simply because I stand against oppression and abuse of women. To paraphrase Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, I will no longer be apologetic for femaleness and my femininity and I want to be respected in all my femaleness because I deserve to be respected.”
Can someone give this sister a Bells!
It is true what they say, “The teller of the truth has no friends.” Although deep down inside we all know that it is wrong to view women as inferior to men, we allow our “African culture” to legitimize any type of abuse towards women and name-call anybody who raises the issue.
It’s young women like Andile who will make our society finally realize that women are human just like men, the difference only lies in our hormones and genitals.
During these ’16 days of activism against women and child abuse’, let’s not only wear badges of support, but actively fight against the abuse through educating others about how they shouldn’t allow “culture” to legitimize any form of oppression against them.
Ramadimetja ‘Rami’ Makgeru
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